I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
