You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
