There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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