Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
