remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
