i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
