You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
