I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
