I cannot find my penis.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize