Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
