The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
