dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
