i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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