I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
