I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
