you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
