bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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