There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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