My sheets look like a crime scene.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
