What did we do last night that was yellow?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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