The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
