i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize