and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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