Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
