WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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