if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
