I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
