Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
