the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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