My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
