so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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