it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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