PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
