my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
