True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
