Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
