Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Girls should come with a carfax report
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
