Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
