You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
