I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
