I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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