I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
