Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
