i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
