Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize