Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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