dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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