he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
