so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
