you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
