I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
