I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
