I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
