Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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