This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
