Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
