true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
