is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
