NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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