i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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