You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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