I want to have your abortion
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
