god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
