We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
