Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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