My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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