Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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