omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
