So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
