Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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