I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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