left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
