Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
