would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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