Kiss
Puke
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he fucked my hip out of place.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
